Conflict Management - Don't Let Friction Ruin Your Motion

Many years ago, a mentor told me that “motion causes friction.” The truth is that friction takes place everwhere - it occurs inside our organizations, it occurs between different organizations, it occurs on sports teams, it occurs in the family, it occurs in Churches, it occurs between countries and many other areas of life. At one point or another, we will all encounter friction in life. Friction between human systems is defined as conflict. Understanding how to manage conflict is therefore essential.

There are two kinds of conflict: functional conflict and dysfunctional conflict.

Functional conflict is a confrontation between groups that benefits all groups that are involved equally. Functional conflict brings about greater awareness and solutions which allow for change. Functional conflict actually leads to a mutual understanding between groups. For example, the research team at an organization thinks that it’s time to release a new product onto the market. The marketing team on the other hand feels like the company has too many products that are yet to be well-positioned in the market. This conflict brings in the strategy team and after lengthy discussions, they reach a consensus. That is functional conflict.

Dysfunctional conflict is any conflict between groups that creates an environment that is not conducive to progress. This kind of conlict leads to stress and results in terrible losses for any groups that are involved in it. Avid football fans may remember the surprise firing of Chargers head coach Marty Schottenheimer. Schottenheimer was fired because of dysfunctional conflict between him and the team manager, AJ Smith. For almost 3 years, the two of them had been at logger-heads over personnel decisions. The conflict between the two of them led to the chargers losing many good coordinators.

One of the most crucial competencies for management is conflict resolution. There are five approaches that can be utilized in the management of conflict:

1. Accomodating - This is where one group places emphasis on the needs of the other group while minimizing it’s own concerns. In essence, one group allows the other to win - a win-lose situation. While it may seem as if the group is giving in, it might be a beneficial approach when the other group has a huge stake in the matter at hand.

2. Dominating - This is when one group focuses completely on it’s own cares and concerns and closes the door to the other group. The dominating group “forces” it’s power and resolutions on the other group. This again is a win-lose situation.The group with the higher balance of power wins over the other group.

3. Avoiding - It’s unfortunate that this happens but there are times when one group may avoid another. This may not be the best strategy but it sometimes helps to cool the situation so that the time may be used to gather additional information.

4. Compromising - When two groups compromise, none of them emerges as a winner. There must be some giving up of value in order for compromising to be effective. Compromise can lead to more conflict later because teh groups might still harbour a feeling that their needs were never met.

5. Collaboration - When groups collaborate, both of them come out of the conflict situation as winners. Collaboration is solution-centered thinking. By working together to solve the conflict the two groups demonstrate immense respect for each other.

Persistence Pays: Outlasting the Obstacles in Your Path

We all experience moments in life when obstacles seem to crowd out our goals and aspirations. Whether you are a leader of an organization, an employee in a department, a small-business owner, a student, the President or even just a regular guy, we have all experienced many barriers to our goals. I’ve seen so many people with great dreams that would add tremendous value to society but every time they try to plug into their dreams, they get knocked down by all sorts of barriers.

Regardless of your situation or status in life, I want you to know that you can smash any barriers that hinder your life goals and your organization’s direction. I know this full well because my life has been about smashing barriers. I come from a community that is not well regarded in terms of access to higher positions in my country - Kenya. I was denied the opportunity to come to the United States four times before I finally got the Visa. I came to this country with a big dream and only $140 in my pocket. Imagine all the barriers I have had to surmount in order to get to where I am now. When I told people that I wanted to speak for a living, a lot of them said, “You are barking up the wrong tree, son. You’ve got a heavy African accent, no money, no contacts, ….how do you ever expect to do this?” Well, I didn’t have to know the “how” since I had a solid “why”. My passion has been one - to help people - and that is why barriers are getting smashed as I begin to slice the frontiers of developing people and empowering them to live a better life.

Here are some ideas to enable you outlast the onstacles in your path:

1. Generate a Solid Idea of Your Life Purpose

Purpose is the key to understanding the “why” of life. When you know what your purpose is, you will not lose heart in the face of obstacles and barriers. Understanding purpose enables you to stay committed and motivated towards pursuing your goals. Purpose produces passion and that is essential in overcoming challenges. Leaders in organizations need to have a clear picture of what the organization’s purpose is.

2. Develop an Enduring Vision

Lots of people have vision but very few stick to it when barriers come their way. If you will smash through barriers, you need to have an enduring vision. The United States as a country has come through many generations of challenges because of an enduring vision that was cast by the founding fathers. I succeeded in finally being able to come to the United States because I had an enduring vision.

3. When Knocked Down, Get Back Up!

I like reading biographies. One of the stories I have enjoyed so much was that of Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln had a steady stream of barriers throughout his life and he smashed through all of them. Look at this:

In 1816 his family was forced out of their home. He had to work to support them. In 1818 his mother died. In 1831 he failed in business. In 1832 he ran for state legislature and lost. In 1832 he lost his job and wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in.In 1833 he borrowed money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the next year he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt. In 1834 he ran for state legislature again and won. In 1835 he was engaged to be married. His sweetheart died and his heart was broken. In 1836 he had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months. In 1838 he sought to become speaker of the state legislature but was defeated. In 1840 he sought to become elector but was defeated. In 1843 he ran for congress and lost. In 1846 he ran for congress again. This time he won, went to Washington and did a good job.In 1848 he ran for reelection to congress and lost. In 1849 he sought the job of land officer in his home state and was rejected. In 1854 he ran for Senate of the United States but lost. In 1856 he sought the Vice-Presidential nomination at his party’s convention and got less that 100 votes. In 1858 he ran for US Senate again - again, he lost. In 1860 he was elected President of the United States.

My! That’s a long list of barriers for just one single guy! But you know what? He had purpose and vision plus he got back up each time he was knocked down. You can do it too! Let’s smash through barriers!

Here’s a helpful resource:

Battling for your Prophetic Destiny is packed with insight on how you can conquer every barrier as you pursue your purpose. Your destiny is secure!

Connecting Dreams and Vision

Most people are inspired by others dreams but it’s only a few who can be connected to a vision. All men have dreams but very few have vision. For dreams to have a chance at being a part of destiny they must be backed up with a solid vision that can be executed effectively. Dreams are born of hopes and desires while vision comes from foresight and passion. It is essential to have both because they work together in the manifestation of personal purpose and potential.

Two Key Questions:

1. What is your dream?

What is your greatest hope or aspiration? What do you yearn for earnestly? What do you secretly wish for yourself and those around you? Dreams really are the cornerstone of life. Without dreams, life is meaningless. Dreams give substance to existence. They allow us to go beyond mediocre living to living with a zest for life. Dreams activate within us a willingness to embrace higher ideals worth striving for. Dreams are the bedrock of life.

2. What is your vision?

What do you imagine when you think about the future? What do you see yourself capable of achieving? If you had all the resources you wanted in the world, what would you do? Visions give structure to life. They give form to dreams. Without vision life lacks power. Visions provide us with a framework for accomplishment. They enable us to go beyond living with zest to having a zealous pursuit that delivers results. Visions allow us to go from activity to productivity.
The Marriage of Dreams and Vision … is the birth of purpose!!

Dreams + Vision = Purpose!!

What’s your purpose in life? What is the reason for your existence? Can you clearly define that which you would give your all in order to realize in life? The Offspring of Dreams and Vision … is pure potential!!

Dreams X Vision = Potential!!

Every human being has the potential for greatness. In order to uncover your true potential, you have to allow your dreams to flourish and pursue a solid vision with purpose. You can do it!

From Structure to Rhythm - Vibrationary Leadership

We live in a critical day that calls for more vibrationary leadership than visionary leadership. If you’ve seen the movie Click you may be able to discern how we need to go BEYOND vision and into a vibration mode of life. So much has been said and written about visionary leadership but few people understand vibrationary leadership. I’m calling for a new kind of leadership. I am calling for vibrationary leadership!

The difference between visionary and vibrationary leadership is that whereas visionary leadership guides and directs by the power of a compelling desire propelled by a glimpse of the future, vibrationary leadership discerns trends, senses opportunities and taps into potentialities. Understanding the heartbeat of the future is more powerful than any vision we could ever have. We learn this easily from the human body. Before thoughts are deposited in the mind, they are birthed in the heart. The heart is therefore the center of life. Out of it flows the issues of life. The seed of vision is always in the heart. That’s why a visionary has passion and fire in his soul. His heart is ablaze. Vibrationary leaders develop the ability to hear the silent beating of coming changes in society and thus strategically position themselves to make the very best of the moment.

If we are going to be precise in the 21st century, we must transition from visionary leadership to vibrationary leadership. Otherwise we shall have visions that will stall in the face of rapid societal changes. A New millenium requires a New strategy. Our organizations should be able to vibrate with the beating of society’s heart. Transitioning from vision to vibration is in essence shifting our focus from seeing to hearing. While it is essential that we be able to see what is happening in our environment, it is much more important that our ears be well tuned in order to hear the silent rumblings of change. This means that our ears should be close to society’s heart and needs. Sound is a series of vibrations moving as waves through air. Ringing a bell for example, sets off vibrations in the air. Detection of these vibrations or sound waves is called hearing. It is essential to understand how the ear works. Humans hear by bone conduction or primarily by detecting airborne sound waves, which are collected by the auricles. The auricles help locate the direction of sound. Then one turns to focus on the direction. Therefore hearing comes before seeing. This is very important.

This transition will require a change from structure to rhythm. We should be able to learn the unforced rhythm of guiding our organizations through transitionary moments. This will require a greater degree of sensitivity. Making the transition from visionary leadership to vibrationary leadership will require that we change from critical thinking to modulating. What we hear should be properly deciphered and transmitted to the masses. What are you hearing? Make the big transition - be a vibrationary leader!

Enthusiasm: The Bedrock of Passion

Ralph Waldo Emerson, that great essayist and poet whose been quoted so many times, once said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm”. Enthusiasm is the bedrock of passion and the key to maximizing one’s personal potential. Henry David Thoreau said that the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation. In other words, they do not have a passion for anything. They have nothing to stand for, so they fall for anything that comes their way. How then, can we break through and find something worth standing for?

The key is in having a desire to make a difference. Making a difference could mean changing the way things are or simply contributing to a social condition or situation. Desire is the ignition key, so to speak, of passion. You cannot pursue something unless you really have a desire for it. We generate enthusiasm by having positive desires that will contribute towards a better life and society. Let’s work on generating greater enthusiasm.

Make Your Ideas Count

Ideas are seeds of potential and promise. Careful nurturing of ideas leads to breakthroughs and success. Poor nurturing results in a failure of not knowing what might have been. I grew up on a farm in the Western region of Kenya. We had lots of chicken and one of my favorite tasks was collecting eggs after they had been laid. Eggs for me have always symbolized ideas - you drop them and they are gone. It’s very hard to salvage a dropped egg. I’ve seen some people scoop it up and still use it but by that time it’s already a mess that not worth saving.

Well after the eggs had been laid, I would go around and collect them into a nice padded bucket. Some of the eggs would go to the market right away and others would be carefully selected and put aside so that the hen can brood on them at the opportune moment. There are some eggs that are usually ready to go to the market soon after they are generated. These eggs don’t last long in the market. After a short while they get cooked and eaten. But there are those eggs which are brooded on by the mother hen. These eggs usually hatch into beautiful chicks which become the hope of the future of poultry population.

Now, think about your ideas. Are you sending them to the market too early or brooding on them? Do you want to add value or to multiply value? Which one is more preferable to you: making profits or reaching pure potential? Learn to nurture your ideas and your ”brooded on” idea will become the seed of pure potential.

Time-Outs: The Key to Refocusing and Reviewing Our Plans

One of my favorite sports is basketball. I’ve always loved the game, even though it took me a long time to understand the rules and grasp why they did things the way they do them. One of the features I never understood for a long time was the concept of time-outs.

A time-out is simply a short interruption in a regular period of play during which a referee stops the clock so that the players may rest, deliberate or make substitutions. I always thought that time-outs were unnecessary and that players should play continuously. My thinking was that time-outs robbed the game of it’s continuity.

However, as I’ve grown and developed in my thinking, I have come to realize that time-outs are absolutely essential. Not just in sports, but also in regular every day activities of life. Time-outs allow us to think. Thinking is one of the mental exercises that very few people ever engage in. Many would rather be caught doing other things rather than thinking.

Time-outs are essential for a basketball team to refocus and review their game plan. Take time today for your time-out. Go to the balcony and reflect. Take a walk and ponder. Go to the back yard and meditate. Think about your life; the journey towards your destiny; etc. Enjoy your time-out. Don’t be in a rush to get back into the game. The game can wait. Go think.

Circumstances Reveal the Real You!

Many people fear crisis situations but the truth is that crisis is the furnace that truly tests a leader and reveals what kind of substance she is made of. Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “Circumstances do not make the man; they merely reveal him to himself.” A crisis is the genuine test of courage and effectiveness in a leader. Crisis reveals what we are made of. Rather than shun crisis situations, we should embrace them because they allow us to grow and develop our character.

What challenges are you facing today? Are you approaching them with a proper attitude? Even more important, think about the future. What challenges do you anticipate in the future? By thinking keenly about them now, you can choose how you will respond to such situations. Allow your crisis situations to develop maturity and leadership substance within you. Remember, crisis reveals who you are.

Laboring Under Correct Knowledge

People sometimes attribute other’s successes to ‘luck’. Luck, to me, is a term for the uninitiated. True success comes only through smart work. LUCK therefore is Laboring Under Correct Knowledge! When we have the right knowledge and apply ourselves in implementing it, luck will be the output of our smart efforts. Achievement does not come out of the blue. It comes from laboring under correct knowledge. Gain the right kind of knowledge and apply yourself and doors will surely open.

Making Quality Choices Daily

Every day provides lots of opportunities for us to shape our lives. Many times we fail to maximize on these opportunities because we have a short-term perspective on our lives. When we approach our lives with a more long-term perspective, we begin to see that our daily events are forming the permanent ‘us’. Someone once said that ‘what you do daily determines who you become permanently’.

We shape our lives daily by the choices and decisions we make. Each choice we make is either a step up or down in the formation of our ultimate character. Show me a person’s choices and I will tell you the character of person that he or she is. Quality choices enable us to develop a solid character. Poor choices ruin our character. The process of shaping your life therefore begins with the character choices you make.

Empowering People to Lead Change

When I was in college I was elected chairman of a club on campus that was composed of students who were eager to develop and grow their leadership. One of my very first tasks was to change certain initiatives and processes that the group had operated by. As I did this, I discovered that there were five key things that worked so well.

1. Communicating Clear Vision

Success in handling change boils down to how well the vision for change has been communicated. The vision needs to be rational and understandable to constituents. This brings about a sense of shared purpose and makes it easier to initiate actions to achieve that purpose.

2. Giving People Authority to Move in the New Direction

Once people have bought into the new vision, they need to be given the authority to implement it. Vision brings responsibility. Responsibility without authority causes frustration. People need to know that they have the authority to implement the new direction within clearly stated guidelines.

3. Aligning ‘Structures’ to the Vision

All the information that people recieve, the personnel that work with them and the systems that are used to drive the mission must be aligned to the vision. This ensures that any actions taken in implementing and executing the vision are not blocked. Vision is delicate and without a proper alignment of all structures, it can result in disaster.

4. Providing the Right Skills and Attitudes

Nothing empowers people more than proper and relevant training. Without the right skills and attitudes people feel disempowered. Training should be built upon the current skills and attributes of your people. The focus should be on expanding them so that they can handle the change and lead it effectively.

5. Confronting those who Undercut the Change

Nothing disempowers people the way a bad boss or manager can. Change causes friction but it can result in disaster when key people undercut it. When confronting such people start on a positive note. Clearly outline the problem and encourage a response. Show that you understand their position and explain why their actions are wrong. Indicate the desired action and reiterate the positive aspects of the person.

I wish you success with all the change initiatives that you will be birthing and bringing to fruition. I’m eagerly looking forward to hearing about your success in using these strategies.

Learning Wisdom From Our Foes

Aristophanes, a Greek writer, once said, “A man may learn wisdom even from a foe”.

This makes me think about all the adversity I’ve had in my life over the past couple of years. What we sometimes think to be adversity may be a blessing in the long-run. What really determines whether we succeed or not is how we respond to adversity. Adversity, therefore, may be a friend. Adversity helps us to grow and develop better skills. Adversity sharpens our focus and enables us to thrive. Embrace adversity today.

Engineered for Greatness

A couple of weeks ago I got a unique card from a friend who is really into personal development. What caught my attention first was it’s title: Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You! This title was powerful to me because that same morning I had written an article about “Plotting Your Destiny“. What a coincidence that I would receive a card along the same lines on the same day! This act of providence sent me a great message which was solidified even more when I read some of the words on the inside. Here’s part of what it said:

“There comes a time in your life when you realize that if you stand still, you will remain at this point forever. You realize that if you fall and stay down, life will pass you by.”

This was huge for me because I am just at that point when I have made a decision to take a leap of faith in my personal life. My decision to leave a rewarding job where I was adding value to at-risk youth so that I could start my organization in which I could potentially multiply value to society was an attempt to plot my destiny. The card went on to say:

“Rather than wondering about or questioning the direction your life has taken, accept the fact that there is a path before you now. Shake off the “why’s” and “what if’s” and rid yourself of confusion. Whatever was - is in the past. Whatever is - is what’s important. The past is a brief reflection. The future is yet to be realized. Today is here.”

What a beautiful message! This card cemented for me the truth that we are engineered for greatness. We were born for accomplishment. The key to greatness is in being able to seize every single day and utlizing every single opportunity life offers you to live up to your full potential. Don’t settle for less when you can have more. You were designed for accomplishment and engineered for greatness!

What you focus on expands!

Many times we tend to focus so much on our weaknesses. I see this in my own life but also in other people’s lives. In relationships, we tend to call out the other person’s weaknesses easily and fail to recognize their strengths. When companies make mistakes, we point them out faster than we can point out their strengths. It seems to me that it takes a lot of single-mindedness to choose to focus on strengths rather than weaknesses.

In order for us to excel at the things we do, we must choose to focus on strengths. It might be hard at first but the more this habit is practiced, the more it becomes a part of our nature. True lasting reward comes when we focus on strengthening our strengths rather than improving our weaknesses. What you focus on expands. If you focus on your weaknesses, they will expand. If you focus on your strengths, they will expand. We need to practice and consistently seek to focus on people’s and organization’s strengths. That is the key to lasting satisfaction in life.

The Power of Changed Thinking

Many times we define ourselves based on the circumstances and situations of our lives. In reality, our current circumstances reflect who we were because it is our thinking that got us into those circumstances. In order for us to get out of those circumstances, we need to be able to change our thinking. Things as they are do not necessarily have to define how things will be tomorrow. Start thinking differently and you can alter your life.

Ten Trade-Offs that lead to Personal Potential

WIWAK (When I Was A Kid) my dad once surprised our family when he came back from work and declared that we were leaving the lakeside town where I was born (Kisumu) and moving to the capital city of Kenya (Nairobi). Nairobi was and still is a well appreciated city but I loved Kisumu. Going to Lake Victoria was always fun - the boat rides, hippo point, fishing, playing around the water shore and so much more. My dad’s thinking at that time was that he had to give up in order to go up. Jim Collins refers to this as moving from Good to Great. Successful people understand that life is a journey. Any journey has intersections and those who win are the ones who make good trade-offs at the intersections of life. Bob Buford once said, “None of us know when we will die, but all of us, if we wish, can select our own epitaph”. We select our own epitaph based on the kind of life we live. Are you pursuing a better life? If not, here are ten trade-offs worth making that can qualitatively improve your life and a question after each to prompt your decision-making.

1. Affirmation for accomplishment - Are you going to be one of the boys and get the affirmation of mediocrity or will you step out of the herd and blaze a trail of accomplishment?

2. Financial gain for future potential - Will you be enticed by the promises of wealth or will you live for a life of significance based on your true capacity?

3. Immediate pleasure for personal growth - Are you tempted by the life of ease and play now, or are you motivated by the desire for living your best life possible?

4. Security for significance - Do you want to live a comfortable life of comfort and convenience or will you soar towards a better life in which you make an even greater difference?

5. Acceptance for excellence - Are you going to settle for the acceptance of your peers and friends or will you aim for the excellence that comes from the pursuit of your dreams?

6. Addition for multiplication - Are you satisfied with adding value to your community or will you go for the more rewarding joy of multiplying value to the world?

7. Many things for one thing - Will you be a jack of all trades and master of none or will you stand out from the pack and be a master of one thing?

8. Quantity for quality - Are you going to fill up your life with things and events or will you go for the right things and events?

9. Stability for success - Is your prime desire to have a stable life or are you willing to tap into the success of knowing and realizing your true passion?

10. Work for family - Are you laboring at your work at the expense of your family or are you creating a legacy for those whom you love?

Only through the wise use of trade-offs can we truly reach our potential.